Snow lies still in the sun and reflects a thousand sparks. The morning shadows of trees stretch long 200 feet below your precarious perch. "Ice," you shout as you duck a refrigerator-sized block of the frozen waterfall knocked loose by your ice pick. "Ice! Ice! Ice!" you shout as it falls until WHUMP! The snow drift becomes a swirling tornado of white treasures as you partner shouts up to you.

"Daaaaaammmmm! That was a friggin' HUGE block."

You look down to see him grinning madly and covered with the fine powder fallout of the bomb you dropped at him.

"OK?" you shout.

"Sure, just stop throwing shit at me," comes the reply, "and get in some pro. That ice is sketchy."

This is the sort of thing that happens during ice climbing outings. For many climbers, ice climbing is a brilliant contrast to the monotony of a dull career. Really, even a truly fascinating job looks pretty mundane compared to the exhilaration, the raw passion, of ice climbing.

Ice climbing is a sport interlaced with pain and pleasure. There are so many inherent opposites, hot and cold, up and down, sensational and numb, that ice climbers often refer to yin and yang when describing their sport. Hands, pounded and squeezed and frozen, feel a numb yin while climbing. Then, atop a frozen fall, when they are lowered and blood rushes back in, the wicked burning yang will make many climbers howl in pain. This is ice climbing. It is a world of hurting solitude and darkness.

Ice climbing is also one of the most fun, rewarding, and beautiful participation sports in the world. For some climbers, the act of clawing slowly up quaking blue pillars of frozen water takes on an almost spiritual significance.

Ice climbers participate in nature in a way that few people ever do. They are usually up before sunrise. They then spend the whole day, or maybe more, in remote, snow covered places where crowds of people very rarely go. They put themselves in dangerous situations far from the secure blanket of civilization. Thus, a team of ice climbers must be self-sufficient and independent. They must be able to make sound decisions and get themselves out of any trouble that may arise. Help could be days away. Sometimes, climbers opt to climb easy routes to keep out of harms way. But every so often, the lure of the 'sharp end' on a burly piece of ice will get the best of you. Suddenly, you will be high above your last piece of protection, arms sobbing weakly, legs trembling, while you try to drill in a stubborn ice screw that will just not bite. And until this harrowing moment passes, either with your successfully climbing the section, or you taking a 30, 40, or who knows how long a fall, you will feel sensations that were only meant for wolves.

As you will soon find out, leading the sketchy stuff, getting on the "sharp end" of the rope, is what ice climbing is all about. That is not to say that climbers always feel particularly bright when they are in the middle of a great lead. Sometimes they feel downright foolish. Feeling foolish has a lot to do with ice climbing.

Right! Foolishness and fear. We're on the right track. Now to reign this thing in, point it in a straight line, and learn you the ropes, so to speak.

Before we get into what you do when you ice climb, you must know the three fundamental rules of ice climbing. These rules are never to be broken. These rules are common sense. Try to follow them at all costs or you will pay the price.

Rule number 1: Never Fall

Rule number 2: Don't hit yourself, your climbing partner, or the rope with an ice pick or the spikes on your feet, crampons.

Rule number 3: Don't climb anything you are afraid to stand under.

If you follow these hard and fast rules and always wear a helmet, you shouldn't run into much trouble. Yet ice climbing is dangerous. Proceed at your own risk.

To climb ice, you will need a big pile of gear. This gear is expensive and specialized. It will do you no good in the kitchen or woodshed. It is for ice climbing, and, with the exception of rock climbing or cat-burglary, will do you absolutely no good for anything but ice climbing. So, without further ado, ice climbing advice; don't buy anything until you are sure you like to ice climb.

There are many mountaineering and gear shops, as well as guide services, that will rent you the gear to go ice climbing. This is the way to go, because once you lay down the $1200 to $2000 for equipment, you'd feel sort of wronged if you didn't like to ice climb, wouldn't you?

While it is expensive, ice climbing is really quite cheap in comparison with, say, downhill skiing or motorcycle racing. And once you have equipment and knowledge, almost every ice climb in the world, with a few notable exceptions, is free to climb upon. Your gear will last for years.

Once you have the gear in hand, you need to learn what it's for and how to use it. The axes are quite straight forward. They are about two feet long, with an alloy or carbon fiber handle and a pick straight out of a bad horror movie. And what a movie it would be, "Ice Ax Massacres," straight from the mountains to Hollywood to a theater near you. Six bimbos and their would-be boyfriends hacked to death by a psychopathic ice climber near a resort in Telluride, Colorado. Nightmarish stuff that would certainly be hard to slough off by the centrist members of the ice climbing community. Just look what that bastard film "Vertical Horizon" did to the reputations of mountaineers. People were asking "do you really do that sort of thing," for a month. When they ask, there is no better answer than to an affirmative nod and quick wink. If they haven't been there, they will never know.

Enough of this. You need to know how to ice climb. So anyway, the picks are straight forward, the crampons look a bit like bear traps, and the boots look like boots. These are the only required items for ice climbing. The rest of the gear, which you must have as a beginner and which even the most seasoned experts usually use, is for safety. The safety gear usually includes two ropes or one twin rope, a helmet, 5-10 ice screws to attach the rope to the ice, about 10 nylon slings, around 20 caribiners, and sunglasses. Apart from this safety gear, most ice climbers opt for some of what I call luxury gear. These are things like Gore-Tex gloves, jackets, or pants, nice quality long underwear, good backpacks, stoves and back rests. For most beginners, these are the last items that should be bought. A simple pair of wool pants, long underwear, a sweater, hat and gloves will keep most folks plenty warm.

To learn how to climb ice without killing yourself you will probably need to take at least one class. In the class, you should learn how to set up top ropes, attach the gear to your body, and ascend ice with the aid of ice climbing picks and crampons. Picks are in your hand, crampons are the sharp points on your feet. If you opt to take a class, be sure to find out what you are getting. Ask if you will learn to set up top ropes. This is critically important for you to become a self sufficient ice climber, as it will permit you to set up a rope system where the rope goes from the ground up to the top of the climb, then back down to the climber. It is a safe way to learn the techniques of ice climbing.

The first time you ice climb, if you have never rock climbed, you will need to learn how to belay. The belay is a way to control the rope while your partner climbs. One of several devices will be attached to your harness to apply friction to the rope in case of a fall. Your instructor will teach you how to belay. Make sure to pay attention to what they teach you. When your partner is climbing, their life is in your hands.

When you first climb, you will be on a top rope. This technique, described above, makes it virtually impossible to fall (providing you follow the three rules). While on a top rope, it is OK to sit and rest in your harness, suspended by the rope. Try to hang as little as possible, because when you start to lead climbs, you will have little, if any, opportunity for rest.

Another way to get your feet wet (or more accurately, frozen) in ice climbing is to tag along with some experienced ice climbers. This works well if you already know how to rock climb and can handle the rope work with little instruction. It also works well if you have patient friends that ice climb. The problem is that not that many ice climbers are known for their unending patience. Yet, if you are polite and eager to learn, finding a willing teacher shouldn't be too hard, provided you don't live in the tropics.

To find someone to take you out, spend some time at a sport climbing gym or bouldering area or a bar, anywhere that climbers frequent. Look for the antisocial, scruffy individuals with big calves and more bulky bodies than sport climbers. There is a fairly good chance that, if they are ice climbers, you will be able to convince them, with a six pack or two, to take you ice climbing.

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